John Howard

John Howard, Australian Prime Minister (1996 to 2007). 

The Impeachables: Mock Dating Profiles Of World Leaders. 

Catch line: “Truth Overboard.”

Great books that I’ve read recently . . .

1. ‘Axis of Deceit,’ by Andrew Wilkie. This is the story of an Australian who risked all to tell the truth about Iraq’s alleged weapons of mass destruction (WMDs). In this book, Wilkie increasingly encounters ethical conflicts between his duty as an intelligence officer and his respect for the truth; eventually he resigned over concerns that intelligence was being misrepresented for political purposes in making the case for Australia's contribution to the invasion of Iraq. He also assesses how Washington, London, and Canberra made the case for war by skewing, spinning, and fabricating intelligence, and suppressing the truth. 

2. ‘Not Happy, John! Defending Australia's democracy,’ by Margo Kingston. This book is about Australia's shrinking democracy under my rule, and about how I’ve systematically undermined parliamentary institutions and government accountability. It lays bare the insidious ways in which my government has profoundly diluted freedoms and rights of the Australian people

3. ‘God Under Howard: The rise of the religious right in Australian politics,’ by Marion Maddox.

4. ‘Dark Victory: How a government lied its way to political triumph,’ by David Marr and Marian Wilkinson. This book covers how my government refused permission for the Norwegian freighter MV Tampa, carrying asylum seekers and intercepted in international waters, to enter Australian waters--I ordered the ship be boarded by Australian special forces, which brought censure from Norway as failure to meet obligations to distressed mariners under international law. This book also covers the “children overboard” political scandal and how my government closed Australia to refugees. In 2001, I claimed that “a number of children had been thrown overboard” from a “suspected illegal entry vessel” operated by people smugglers and intercepted by one of our navy ships. I claimed that the asylum seekers on the boat threw their kids into the sea to force my government to let them land in Australia. A Senate inquiry found that not only were my claims untrue, but that I knew they were untrue before the federal elections, which were held one month later, and which we won. 

My most humbling moments.

1. In October 2005, the Volcker Inquiry into the UN Oil-for-Food Program revealed that the Australian company AWB Ltd had paid the largest illicit "kickback" to the Iraqi regime. However, I resisted calls for a Royal Commission that would have investigated not only the bribes paid to Saddam Hussein, but also my government and me. After a Commission of Inquiry was established, I ensured that its powers were restricted--that they were allowed to investigate whether Aussie companies had broken the law, but barred from investigating the role my government’s ministers played. With a straight face, I say that the inquiry’s terms of reference remain both adequate and transparent.

2. I’m strongly opposed to gay marriage. I support the nuclear family against the so-called "permissive society." In August 2004, my proposal to amend the Marriage Act--to ban foreign and domestic same-sex civil unions from being recognized as marriages in Australia--passed into law.

3. During my first term as Prime Minister, I introduced a 'Code of Ministerial Conduct.' This backfired when seven of my ministers resigned following breaches of the code. Much later, two more of my ministers breached the code, but at that point I opted to ignore it, rather than lose more of my front bench.

4. In mid 2005, I began discussions of anti-terror legislation that includes modification to the Crimes Act of 1914. In particular, we discussed modifying sections relating to sedition.

The celebrity I resemble the most.

Mel Gibson in ‘Mad Max,’ the Aussie apocalyptic science fiction action film.

The best or worst lies I've ever told.

LIE 1. "The Government has decided to commit Australian forces to disarm Iraq because we believe it is right, it is lawful and it's in Australia's national interest. We are determined to join other countries to deprive Iraq of its weapons of mass destruction, its chemical and biological weapons, which even in minute quantities are capable of causing death and destruction on a mammoth scale." March 2003.

LIE 2. "The Australian Government knows that Iraq still has chemical and biological weapons and that Iraq wants to develop nuclear weapons." February 2003.

LIE 3. The following lie of mine echoes similar lies made by my American friends regarding Enron and the oil industry. In September 2002, speaking about companies, associations, and representatives of Australia’s ethanol industry, I said, "I did not personally have any discussions, from recollection, with any of them." However the truth, as recorded in an ‘official record of meeting’ by my department, is that in August 2002 I met with Dick Honan, the head of Manildra Group, which makes 87% of our ethanol, and we discussed how his company can “help” the Aussie ethanol industry.

If I could be anywhere right now, it’d be . . .

Not at the Hague, the city that’s home to the International Criminal Court (ICC). The ICC prosecutes people for genocide, crimes against humanity, and war crimes. John Valder, the former president of my own political party, said that I should be punished for war crimes over the Iraq war. Valder compared the invasion of Iraq, one of the great military atrocities of our time, to a person breaking into a neighbor’s house. If a person invaded a home, killed a few of its occupants, and subsequently found no evidence for their bad behavior, that person would be imprisoned. In principle, I agree with Valder’s analogy, but because I’m the intruder and murder, I beg to differ with its practical application.

Five items I can't live without.

1. Multiculturalism and reconciliation with indigenous Australians--though deep down I believe that these issues are irrelevant to ordinary, mainstream voters. I enjoy when people tell me that multiculturalism and Aboriginals are crucial to Australia’s national identity, it’s just that I don’t buy into it.

2. Pauline Hanson, a politician who suggested Australia withdraw from the UN, and advocated the return of high-tariff protectionism. Regarded by critics as a populist racist, Hanson was misinformed, uneducated, and inarticulate--traits that her supporters took as evidence of her credentials as a speaker 'for the people.' My slow and lukewarm response to her was widely interpreted as indicating tacit support for her sentiments. For example, Hanson once alleged "we are in danger of being swamped by Asians"--this echoed a controversial speech I gave in 1988 in which I claimed that the rate of Asian immigration into Australia was too high.

3. Economic rationalism (which is also called economic liberalism, neoliberalism, and Thatcherism). I can’t live without economic policies that are amoral and asocial. In the sphere of commercial activity, moral considerations have no role to play. During my time as Treasurer, I became a staunch adherent of economic rationalism. Like Thatcher, I embraced the dismantling of a centralized wage-fixing system, the abolition of compulsory trade unionism, and the privatization of government-owned enterprises.

Fill in the blank: _____ is sexy; _____ is sexier.

Winning the war on terror is sexy; war without end is sexier!

In my bedroom you’ll find . . .

In my bedroom you’ll find my handwritten diary--in it you’ll read of my unquestioning support for Indonesia, even after its 1975 invasion of East Timor and the brutal occupation that followed. My government had an intimate relationship with the corrupt Suharto regime of Indonesia (we sold them weapons, for example), and we recognized Jakarta's sovereignty over East Timor. I even indirectly supported the pro-Indonesia militia that began a vicious campaign of repression of the people of East Timor when they voted in 1999 for independence in an UN-sponsored referendum. Actually, that’s a lie, and you’ll read about this in my diary. I actually supported the Timorese, but not in a timely fashion. Only after tens of thousands of Australians took to the streets to demand a humanitarian intervention did I send Aussie troops to defend the Timorese against the rampaging militias.

Why you should get to know me.

You should get to know me because I’m the quintessential unkillable politician. When confronted by my record of lies, I duck, dodge, and divert attention. I resort to dense, lawyerly language, and reach for exceptions, technicalities, or qualifications that get me off the hook. Or I use the Sergeant Shultz defense. Do you remember Sergeant Shultz from the TV show ‘Hogan’s Heroes’? He’s the highly incompetent German guard who repeats, "I know nothing! Nothing!" and "I see nothing! Nothing!"

More about what I’m looking for.

I’m looking for a woman who shares my ludicrous view, in the face of evidence, that mandatory detention is humane. A little background for you: All people, including children, entering or remaining in Australia without a valid visa are compulsorily detained, can be detained indefinitely, can be disallowed judicial review, and may be deported. Many of the people in our detention centers between 1999 and 2006 have been Iraqi and Afghan asylum seekers who sought protection under Australia's obligations to the UN Convention Relating to the Status of Refugees. Peter Qasim was detained for over 7 years without charge or trial before being released in 2005. In 2004, there were 150+ children in immigration detention in Australia and on Nauru and Christmas Island--simply because they were brought here by their parents seeking a better life. The National Inquiry into Children in Immigration Detention (conducted in 2004 by the Australian Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission) attests that "Australian laws that require the mandatory immigration detention of children and the way these laws are administered [...] have resulted in numerous and repeated breaches of the Convention on the Rights of the Child." The inquiry found children detained for long periods were at a high risk of suffering mental illness. My government’s refusal to remove these children from immigration detention amounts to “cruel, inhumane and degrading treatment of those children in detention.” So what am I looking for in a lady? I’m looking for a strong woman to stand by my side, the side of mandatory detention.

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